This is either going to be a heavily abridged or multi-part post. I'll skip over the bullshit details, and give ya'll the skinny.

The past month and a half has been quite an experience. I went and raved (and rolled) about 4 times at different venues in the local area. Exuberant with glee, I had a moment of bright clarity gaze upon me, that being, I just know what I should do, now, instead of feeling like I'm walking through the daily fog, half-retarded.

So... in the process of trying to get my life back together, I've stumbled a few times.

Lost $230 dollars, but got it loaned on the quick, so I was safe.

Standoff with my parents about school and what I want to do.

Trying to push out years of apathetic slacking.

Also, I learned what happiness meant to me in relation to PLUR (Peace, Love, Unity, Respect) and going down the path of choosing not to suffer. I wish other folks could see what they're doing to themselves through all of this.

How am I supposed to be able to afford 140 per month for electric? This is bullshit.

My brother is living with me over the summer, but he's not paying for anything. I'm stuck trying to get my life back after an accident and two bullshit citations for a non-functioning, at the moment, vehicle.

I'm just frustrated and not sure what to do, but I'm trying.

I got 2 tickets trying to help people last night.

Around 10:30, my brother and I are hanging out with a couple of friends, and we hear two folks we know are stranded at a gas station, so we go ahead and drive over there to pick them up. I get pulled over for speeding on an on-ramp, and get a ticket. It's no big deal, and the rest of the night continues.

We find out later, around 2 in the morning, a different couple of friends are too fucked up to drive home, and their ride ditched them, and I don't drink, so I drive them home, and I get pulled over again and issued a citation for a deteriorated license plate.

I honestly don't believe either of these charges are legitimate, and I'm going to plead not-guilty in court.

Here's why I'm pissed off: I deliver, in my own vehicle, for a living. I'm on the road for 6 hours at a time, sometimes, and I've never been pulled over on the clock. I have respect for the police and believe that they're supposed to be protecting responsible people like me, but this shook me up, a little bit.

Short, sweet, and simple:

*Failed first attempt at pharm-tech certification
*Can't afford to go back to school next semester
*I'm developing an addictive personality

FML.

It really is Friday the 13th. A VW Jetta clipped me at an intersection. I don't have the proper insurance to cover the damage to my car, but in case the judge favors his side of the story, my insurance will cover his.

Thankfully,  I was smart enough to jerk to the left at the right time, and they bounced off my tire and quarter-panel. I'm going to bring it up, in court, that I was not allowed to exchange information with the other drivers. I hate rookie cops.

Driving home through the same intersections that I always go through every night after work, and last night I got flashed. I'm not stupid enough to speed through these monitored intersections, but it happened.

So... I'm waiting for my ticket, and hopefully i can dispute it.

God damn it.

During the period of my recovery from divorce, I glanced (understatement) at the idea of ending my own life. Throughout my struggles and enlightenment, I came to the conclusion of swearing against the idea, regardless of the situation that may arise. This is my only life to live, and regardless of what may emerge, I'm gonna keep pushing through.

I let myself get hurt again, for no one's fault other than my own.

If you know better, and you still put faith in that person, why does it still feel the same?

I'm letting myself develop a partial mental breakdown... all because of a girl. Even though it sounds superficial and unwarranted, I don't want to be as affected, either.

I don't lie about myself to females, but it feels hypocritical to hold such a facade of confidence, and on the inside, such as right now, I'm starting to crack.

And I know life isn't fair, but it really shows its unjustifiable evils through these fruitless, tiring efforts, just...

just to find someone nice.